Helplessly Deluded
by Torniquet
Summary: CaseyEdwin. I knew she was trying to understand a reality that she didn't believe possible before. The reality that her little stepbrother wants her.
1. Chapter 1

**EDITED: There were a lot of mistakes in this chapter so I fixed them hopefully for the better.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing if I did LWD would be a very different show ;)**

**Couple: Casey/Edwin. Edwin POV.**

I found myself longing for her again. I try to convince myself there are other girls. There are plenty of girl fishes in the sea, but none are like her. None have captured my attention like her. If I was to be attracted to either of my stepsisters it should have been Lizzie. She's more my age, but when I look at her I see my sister not a woman. That's one of the reasons why I love Casey, she's all woman. She's so mature. And I don't mean just physically mature.

She's like time: constant, dependable, and direct. Without any doubt she's predictable, but not in the boring sense of the word. I can trust in her. I know that she is determined when putting her mind into something. I admire how genuine she is. Its not easy to find a honest person in this world. There's so many character traits I love about her. Im in love with her.

She was the perfect woman in my eyes. I turned around from the tv. Casey had moved the dining table to the corner to twirl. I watched her lustrous body dance like a graceful fairy. She was beautiful. Watching her flexability, I couldn't help but think what a goddess she would be in my bed. I moved a couch pillow on to my lap. Her movements weren't helping to calm down my arousal. I had to hurry upstairs to my room with the pillow.

At dinner I watched as Derek annoyed Casey. I grew angry at him sometimes. He could be so horrible to her, doing things to upset her. A few weeks ago the thought to punch him crossed my mind. Casey would love me for it.

"Derek, why don't you eat dinner at Kendra's house? Eat anywhere except here." Casey snapped.

Yeah, I definately hated what he did to her. I liked seeing her happy. That's what this brilliant creature deserved happiness.

After dinner, Lizzie asked if I wanted to play some soccer, but I declined. I felt sore, my body was weak from carrying this heavy heart. I needed advice. Unfortunately the only girl who was the best source was _her_.

I knocked on Casey's door. No way was I going to tell her. I just wanted to see her.

"If you aren't Derek, come in," she called out. I wasn't, so I did.

I wasn't planning on doing much just asking her questions, I loved her answers. Her face looks heavenly when she thinks she's helping.

"Hey Edwin," she smiled brightly."What's up?"

She was writing in a notebook lying on her bed. I pulled her computer chair in front of her and sat in it.

"I have this idea to earn some dough, wanted to run it by you." I replied matter-of-factly.

She sat up, laid her notebook on her desk, and sat back down. She looked back at me listening intently. I shouldn't feel this way about her, but I did.

"No that's not it. I have a much bigger problem." My voice didn't secrete my woe.

Casey's face became concerned. "You know you can come to me about anything. I want to help you, Edwin."

I look at her bed sheets. I say gravely "I love this girl and Im not suppose to."

I eagerly look at her reaction. "What do you mean youre 'not suppose to'? You can fall in love with anyone. Don't let yourself be intimidated by stupid popularity boundaries."

"No, its not quite like that." I explained.

She waits for me to elaborate. She realizes I won't and then says "So this girl, what's she like?"

My eyes focus on Casey. "She's wow. Amazing. She's intelligent, talented. She's willful, stubborn. You look at her and think she's gonna go places. She has a good heart, spirit. She's beautiful like an angel. I couldn't ask for more."

She's obviously a romantic too because she's looking at me like she would a romantic chick flick. "Aww Edwin! You really do love her. You gotta tell her."

"I can't. I can't be with her." I said firmly. "She's four years older than me."

Casey looked surprise and asked hesitantly. "How do you know her then?"

I had to get out of there. I was going to spill everything if I didn't. I jumped up in an effort to leave. Casey grabbed my arm. Suddenly she was blocking my path. Her back was against the door. My hand grasped the doorknob.

"Edwin, you can't leave until you tell me!" Her left hand clutched mine and the doorknob. Her other hand had my arm.

We were close. Her face was determined, stubborn and it was then I realized why Derek liked to frustrate her. Maybe it was a Venturi thing, but I was turned on.

**If you like Review and I'll update!**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Thank you reviewers, here's to you. Cheers! **

I looked in her eyes and she looked in mine. Whatever she saw in them caught her off guard, I realized. She knew I lust for her. She released my hand which clung to the doorknob. She moved past me allowing me to leave.

As she sat on the bed, I saw her expression. I knew she was trying to understand a reality that she didn't believe possible before. The reality that her little stepbrother wants her.

I was having to adjust my entire schema as well. The first year the MacDonald's moved in with us, Lizzie and I spent most of our days watching Casey and Derek argue. We had suspicions that they had a thing for each other. When Casey was with Sam, we had been most sure of our theory.

Sometimes I would lie awake at night and hear sounds and think that they were together secretly in Casey's bed. But after watching for a time it became apparent that it wasn't like that at all. The beliefs ended once Kendra stepped into the picture. I would watch Casey's mannerisms when Kendra was beside Derek. I saw no signs of jealousy. We continued watching but Lizzie and I came to the conclusion that our elder siblings were not secretly in love, sneaking around together. Lizzie and I had overactive imaginations I guess.

Lizzie and I reasoned they behaved the way they did because Derek was Derek and Casey was Casey. Of course their personalities would clash. Besides Casey could never find herself in love with a guy who she despised for all that he represented. Yes Derek could surprise us sometimes and do something nice for Casey but that's because he was a good brother. It made more sense, their behavior was nothing more than that of siblings with uncompatable traits.

I hadn't thought of the theory in such a long time. I guess because those days of spying and debating with Lizzie were days of my childhood. The love affair of Casey and Derek was like a twisted version of a childhood fariytale, which like all fairytales are simply not true. My childhood ended when I realized it was like other fairytales, not real. My childhood ended with the epiphany that an outrageous love affair like that was not considered right in the real world.

And soon, after not so much time, ones childhood thoughts become quickly forgotten. What happened during childhood becomes repressed as new information, that is important for an adolescent to know, is stored in the brain.

It was hard to believe I had forgotten such a significant period in my life. It was sad to think Lizzie and I disregarded what we had been right about all along. It must have been true. Casey seemed to recognize the sexual hunger in my eyes. The only way she could recognize it is if she had seen it before. She would have only been familiar with the look if she had seen it in my brother. That would mean maybe Casey and Derek had been together.

I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to love what Derek already had. Looking at her on her bed, I couldn't help but be angry at her because though she could have been intimate with my brother, I was still very much enamored with her. How could she? I knew it was ridiculous to blame her, but like I said I couldn't help it.

"What's wrong?" I asked refering to the fact that she hadn't wanted me to leave, but now she seemed to perfer the idea.

"Oh well, I-I shouldn't pressure you to tell me." she replied.

If I hadn't spent so much time studying her and Derek, I wouldn't have been able to detect how she was a bit nervous.

I smiled at the thought. I began to wonder if I hadn't spent all that time spying on her would I not have fallen in love with my stepsister. And if that's the case I spent a lot time watching Derek if I didn't fall for her would my admiration for my brother become love in the incest sense. I was disgusted at the whole thought. My hand flew up to my forehead. I was so fucked up. My vision blurred through tears.

Casey stood and placed her hand comfortingly on my other arm. "Hey. What is it?"

I took a breath. "Nothing Im fine. Its been a long day. Thanks Casey, really."

Entering my room, I was completely overwhelmed. I thought, God whats the matter with me? I was really sick. Since my childhood imagination of Derek and Casey as a couple didn't happen, did that progress into me wanting her? Was that all this was? A psychological problem? Seemed logical. But it wasn't an imagination. They had been together, hadn't they?

It didn't matter anyway. I was already sucked in. No I wasn't; because I was going to stop this. I needed to stop loving her. Casey and I wouldn't happen. I didn't want it to. I didn't want her.

I woke up in the middle of the night. I had dreamt of Casey. I didn't remember it, but I knew I had. I rolled over and felt wetness on my legs. Shit. I got up to clean myself and my sheets. So much for "I didn't want her".

After going to the bathroom and then starting my laundry, I headed back up to bed. I had just laid out new sheets when Derek opened my window from the outside and climbed into my room. It was a little after two.

If Derek stayed late past curfew he'd climb up to my window to get in the house without dad knowing. He wasn't able to climb outside his window. So he used mine. It cost him a fee, but he knew I wouldn't tell so he didn't mind. Now that he was with Kendra he didn't go out late much, but old habits die hard I guess. Sometimes I wondered when he did stay out late if he had even been out with Kendra. Because whenever she asked Derek if he wanted to do something with her late, he would make excuses like "I would, but Im a tied down with a curfew. Parents yeh know?" It was like she didn't know him at all.

Derek seemed in good spirits. He smiled at me. "What the hell are you still doing up?"

"Couldn't sleep. Good thing its a Saturday." I replied getting into bed.

Derek shut the window. Sometimes I would ask him my curiousities and he wouldn't really answer. I just hoped tonight he would.

"You weren't with Kendra tonight. Were you?" I asked.

Derek sat at the edge of my bed. He looked tired now. "No, no I wasn't."

He scatched the back of his head vigoriously before looking over at me. "I was with Sam, Brad, and a few of the other guys."

He saw that was all I wanted so he stood.

"Have you ever cheated on Kendra?" I asked quickly. My voice a little too loud.

He looked over at me stunned. I knew he was gonna say no. And I knew he would be lieing when he did.

"Yeah...I did." he answered with guilt. "I cant help it though. I like her a lot. I do, but she can be too much sometimes. Then a girl will catch my eye and yeah..."

Its sad when your surprised by honesty. I didn't show it though. I played it cool. I wasn't judging him, and I had to let him know I wasn't if I wanted him to confide in me.

"Yeah she's definately better in small doses. _Derry."_ I joked.

Derek gave a small smile. "Exactly."

He didn't say it. He would never admit it, but I could tell as he looked down at me that he was proud that I was his brother. He left going to his room. The look he had given me reminded me of days when I wanted to learn all I could from him. I wanted to be like him.

I still did, but not in the way that I did before. I wanted to be a charmer. I wanted to be the most confidant guy in the room. I wanted to be sly. I wanted to win at everything. But somehow I missed the "girls want to love me, and the guys want to be me" trait and picked up "be attracted to my stepsister" instead.

**AN: Why read Chapter 3? Edwin asks Derek or Casey if Dasey ever existed!!!!**

**In honor of "Breakdown" by obliviously hopeful- which is like the best Dasey story. Derek's friend Brad was invented and I refered to him.**

**I think my writing is much better in this chapter. Agree/Disagree?**


	3. Chapter 3

I woke up hearing a commotion downstairs. As I walked in the hallway I heard Casey screech from downstairs "Derek! Could you not be you for today? Give us a break."

Well he wasted no time in stirring up trouble. Which of course led me to the Derek/Casey theory. Was it true? And if it was, was it a thing of the past? It was difficult to rationalize when I had my own bias. I didn't want a prejudice judgement. I wanted the truth.

After my shower, I put my laundry (sheets) into the dryer.

"Derek, you--" Casey spoke strictly. She stopped realizing I wasn't who she thought I was.

"Oh Im sorry Edwin. I was afraid Derek was in here. My pile is there and I thought he might mess with it. He knows I don't like other people washing my clothes." she clarified like a neurotic.

She wore black sweat pants and a purple tank top. Her upper arm was begging for me to caress her. I buried my hands under my wet clothes to stop my fingers from complying.

" You know maybe you shouldn't leave it here if you don't want him to touch it." I pointed out.

"It would be easier if he didn't act like a disobediant child, who gets into things he isn't suppose to." she declared before leaving the laundry room.

Could that have been a double entrande. No I was clearly reading too much into things. Or maybe I didn't like the image of him getting into her. Oh God. Repress. Forget. Delete. Exit. Just get out of my head!

Looking forward to some frozen waffles to toast, I passed Kendra, who had "missed her Derry Friday evening", but had seen him Friday afternoon, discussing something with Nora that did not hold much interest with me.

Dad went golfing with his boss earlier that morning. Lizzie was doing the dishes. "Mom made eggs. I tried to wake you but you wouldn't budge."

"Im not that heavy of a sleeper." I replied finding her claim hard to believe.

"Well you were this morning. About as bad as Derek." she responded.

Placing the waffles in the toaster, Casey waltzed in. Well she didn't really, but she walks so gracefully that I described it like a waltz.

"Um youre eating waffles for lunch?" she remarked.

"Its his first meal of the day. That would be breakfast Casey," Derek butted in.

Casey's eyes burned. "Excuse me, I was talking to Edwin. Are you so desperate to correct me that you have to jump into a coversation that doesn't concern you?"

"Oh but Casey to correct you, _you'd_ have to be wrong. And you wouldn't admit that." He smirked.

I watched them silently, intently as I always did, out of habit. Maybe it was because Derek and Casey as a couple was a possibility again that I saw something behind his smirk. It wasn't just a victory of verbal war, but succeeding at getting her worked up, a victory which pleasured him sexually in some small and, you have to admit, twisted way. Or maybe there was nothing there. Maybe I was letting my imagination get the best of me.

"I never said that Im always right, just more often than you." Casey said testily.

"What's going on in here? Derry, Marti's ready for us to take her to the park." Kendra came in oblivious that she had interupted anything. Casey turned her face so Kendra wouldn't see her frustration.

"Oh Im ready." he told his girlfriend.

He lay his hand on Casey's shoulder and said cocky. "Don't worry Casey we have plenty of time later to pick up where we left off, me winning."

She roughly shrugged Derek off. It had been a while since he got her seething like that, but he got her good.

Kendra wrapped her arm around her guy as they left the kitchen.

"You okay Casey?" Lizzie asked.

Casey replied "Yeah."

And she really did seem fine. Her anger left within seconds after Derek did.

The fog cleared and I could see the sun shining brightly. It was true Casey loved him. They weren't fighting over power or pride. Yes Casey and Derek needed those two things, but this war between them was so much more. Between them was something unresolved, something ached, something longing.

I didn't need to ask her. I knew what the truth was. But I wanted to hear her say it. I wanted her to destroy my want of her. The only way I wouldn't want her anymore is if I knew she was no different from the other girls who loved Derek. Because the biggest reason why I was facinated by Casey is that I thought she wasn't easily persuaded like most people. I thought she was different from most girls and thought for herself. I thought she was the only one who wasn't impressed by him. That's why I loved her because she wasn't like the rest; she was educated.

I saw that my waffles had popped up. I picked them up to find that they had gotten cold while I had been preoccupied. So I toasted them again.

After finishing my chores, I knocked on Casey's door. She called out for me to come in and I did. She had a trig textbook opened up. "Yeah Edwin?" she asked casually. All the feelings I had for her boiled under my skin. I hope she couldn't tell.

"Are you going anywhere today?" I asked nervously. What was the matter with me? Don't be a pansy. Youre a Venturi. Be self-assured.

"No plans today." she stated curious as to why I asked.

God, her inquisitive mind. If I didn't love her already I would fall this second. Yeah something as simple as that and I was bewitched by her. I swapt away the thoughts and urges.

She noticed my distress. "Are you alright Edwin?" she asked worriedly.

"Yeah Im fine." I answered sitting beside her on the bed. My hand laid on her comforter I bet it smelled like Derek. I grew sicker.

"This is about your crush. I say go for it. Ask her out. If it goes well, tell her what you told me. If a guy felt admiration for me the way you do about her, I'd date him. If she refuses because she doesn't want a younger man its her loss. Youre a great guy Edwin." she smiled hopefully at me.

I was lost in her. How could I not love her? She was absolutely lovable. Could she have said anything better for my eager ears. I was in too deep. My eyes were wide, struck by her.

"Thanks," I said happily.

I was under her waters and if I drowned I couldn't think of a better way of taking my last breath than to have her waves cover me whole and fill my lungs. My thoughts and troubles washed away. I became blind to it. Then intellect opened my eyes stating coldly: she spoke like a loving sister.

Again I was unreasonable angry at her. I wanted her to love me more than that. Why did she have to feel that way about Derek? I concealed my resentment and brought up another subject. "You know you and Derek can argue about petty things," I observed.

Casey scoffed. Her eyes grew dark. She looked at me like I was Derek picking a fight with her.

She spoke defensively. "Its not petty. He shouldn't have a god complex. He shouldn't get his kicks by disregarding how I feel..."

I wasn't listening to her rant. She was on fire and I a moth to her flame. I shouldn't have done that. I had been hurt and wanted to upset her. That's cruel. I also regreted what I had said because her behavior was wanting me to do things. I had an uncontrolable urge to crash my lips on hers. I wanted to feel her burn warm me. I wanted to taste her fighting spirit. Had these been the very thoughts that filled Derek's head? I was disgusted with myself because I didn't want her the way Derek did, but I did.

I interrupted her. She could have discussed the reasons why she hated Derek for hours.I had to ask her now. After all this time I wanted the truth.

"You love him don't you? And let's not mince words here I mean like a significant other." The words flowed like I was a car dealer, which is probably better than her hearing my distress at the thought of her in love with Derek.

**I feel bad I didn't do what I promised I was going to be answered in this chapter. But these characters have like taken over in my head. I feel like they do what they want and I have to write it down as they do it. Not as I had planned it. But as you can see you'll get your answer in the next chapter.**

**Out of curiousity how do you guys feel about the Kendra/Derek relationship as I have portrayed it? I know many must not like it (him cheating on her). But it just makes since he could not stay faithful to a girl like Kendra. Id like to hear your thoughts on the subject.**

**I kind of feel like Edwin is a bit OOC. What do you think?**

**Thanks you guys for reading and helping me out!**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Sorry for keeping you waiting. Ive been focusing on the last chapter while ignoring this one. **

Her eyes that were once on fire cooled. Her lips twisted in despair. She stared at her hands. I hadn't expected that response.

"Yeah I do," she murmured. Of course she did. It was foolish to think otherwise. It all made sense now. I went numb. I didn't have emotions pummeling through me. If I did I couldn't feel them.

She gave a small smile. "That's crazy huh?" She played with her hands anxiously.

"I cant imagine what you think of me." she spoke looking at my face for some consolation that I feared I couldn't give her.

I didn't say anything to ease her mind. She was crazy about him, so now I didn't want her, right? I waited for the love I felt for her to fade. But it didn't; it remained. Conflict #1: I thought that once she was no longer seperated from other girls than I wouldn't be attracted to her, but I was wrong.

Conflict #2: She loved a guy who wasn't me. She had fallen for the wrong brother. My chest felt heavy. Taking a gasp of oxygen in I asked, "Does he feel the same?"

I had to know. I had wasted so much time trying to find the answer and here I was a question away from hearing it.

Tears shone in her beautiful dark eyes. "I think you should go." she whispered.

I almost regreted asking. She was in pain and all I wanted to do was take it away from her. I wanted to bring her solace from those tears.

"Hey Casey," I said pulling back a strand of her hair. "I didn't mean to..."

"Oh I know," her voice said holding back a cry. "I just--Im sorry."

She hurried out of her room. She reached the bathroom and shut the door. I walked after her standing outside the door. I felt horrible. I didn't know what to do.

"Casey, Im sorry." I called out.

I heard a vigorous laugh. I turned my head to see Derek arrogantly with his arms crossed on his chest leaning against his doorway watching me. Him. I didn't really like him at the moment. I sighed wondering what he thought was so amusing.

Derek's eyes glinted the way a spider would an insect that had made a stupid move and found itself trapped. What had I done to earn the fate of having my blood sucked dry? And where was Kendra? Why couldn't she keep him busy when I needed her?

It was odd to see that smug look on his face directed at me. I couldn't recall a time it ever was and I didn't like it. The only reason I was chasing after Casey who had ran crying to the bathroom was because of him. It was his fault. So what the hell was so damn entertaining?

"Ah Edwin. I remember getting Casey so mad she'd rush to the bathroom. Then I'd stand where you do now, crying out apologies." he said smiling, thinking fondly of the memories as if he was proud of them.

How could he be proud of that? Then I realized he had compared me to him. If Derek and Casey had been together, Derek just created a scenerio in which me and Casey were a couple. I shook the thought from my head.

"That's not what happened." I asserted.

Taking steps to my room I continued, "I don't make her mad. You do."

Derek followed me. I wished he hadn't. He sat on my bed like it was his room. He liked to think he owned everything. It had never bothered me before but that was before I knew he had the love of the girl I was completely captivated with.

This was the guy I hero worshiped since I was little. I had wanted to be like him for so long, but not anymore. I didn't want to be the guy Casey had described to me earlier, and yet I had wanted it for so long it was hard to toss the dream. I never thought I would want to toss it. Conflict #I lost count: Was he still my role model?

I flipped on my laptop trying to ignore he was present.

"So what'd you do?" he asked unable to contain his joy.

"Nothing...she's just so uptight." I lied easily.

"Tell me about it," he scoffed in agreement. It unnerved me how I had been able to lie and didn't get caught. Derek had always been able to see through my deceit, but now he sat there oblivious. A rush of adreniline filter through my veins. I found it thrilling.

"You keep this up, and you could pass off as me." he said buoyantly.

There it was the words I had craved to hear for so long. He had waited until after I didn't want them said. Irony is a bitch.

I don't know where all this anger was coming from, hormones or circumstance, but it was a friend that kept on calling. I was mad at Derek for giving me the award I strived for a little too late.

I responded callously. "Why would I want to be like you? I got plenty of Venturi traits that will make me successful. I don't want to be sadistic and find enjoyment by screwing with Casey. She doesn't deserve what you do to her."

Derek laid on his back and replied apathetically. "Casey and I, we have a mutual understanding. We wouldn't expect anyone to understand it. Honestly Edwin...she wouldn't have it any other way."

As he said it I knew he was right. She wouldn't change their relationship for the world.

He continued interrupting my thoughts, "I think she wakes up each morning hoping Ive done something so she can call me out on it."

When you hear truth, you know it. There's a certain ring to it as it hits your ears. His words pierced mine, if only I could silence the sound.

I asked in mellow. "Can you be honest with me? Like you were last night? Have you been with Casey?"

**AN: Don't worry. It gets better next chapter. Better Edwin/Casey scenes to come. **

**Im going to take a strange twist on things if you cant already tell. Hopefully it will leave other venues open for other writers to make a Cased fic. Yeah I made that up. Any other ship name suggestions? **


	5. Chapter 5

He sat up. His back against the wall. "You mean like...?"

I clarified simply. "Have you slept with her?"

I could tell he was questioning whether to give me a lie or the truth.

I made the decision easier. "Im not stupid, just tell me."

"Alright yeah. Its not what you would think. You wouldn't understand. It's been about a year ago yeah...Where's all this coming from?"

Truth doesn't always hurt. It can sicken. Nausea from the darkest, grotesque part of my stomach rose up to the back of my throat. I could taste the bile. I answered my mind unable to function obviously, "I don't know. I can't remember where it began."

I wanted to rush to the bathroom. Be alone. Calm my thoughts. Rid myself of this plague making my body feel limp and dead like a corpse.

He justified himself "Im not a sick perve. We may be step siblings but we didn't grow up together believing were related."

"Yeah I know." I agreed miserably.

His words sincere. "And it wasn't just for sex Edwin. We were together. Well off and on. I loved her. I still do." he purposely hit the back of his head several times to the wall.

"If you love her, why aren't you with her? Why are you with Kendra? Why are you screwing other girls?" I asked enthusiastic.

"Casey broke up with me. She had all sorts of reasons. I never cheated on her. Just Kendra because she's--were not right together, but it works...I like to think I get other girls because I know I can't get Casey." he explained sadly. I thought I saw tears in his eyes.

Nora called us down for dinner. I stopped Lizzie and dragged her into the living room. I thought she had a right to know. She spent as much time as I did trying to discover the truth.

"What?" she said tugging back the arm I had dragged.

I whispered closely to her. "Remember the Derek/Casey theory? It was real."

Lizzie's eyes widened. "What? Edwin come on."

"Im serious. I heard it straight from the source. They were together off and on and ended it last year." I told her sensibly.

"Wow. Its been so long since I thought of it...I can't believe we didn't see it, see them. Feels good to finally know the truth." she expressed.

Glad to hear she felt "good" about it since it made me feel miserable. "Ill let you know what else I find out."

Lizzie nodded her head appreciatively as I walked back to the kitchen.

"Where's Casey?" Marti asked. Everyone was in attendance except she seemed to be missing.

"Hopefully far far away." Derek answered.

Dad shot Derek an unpleasant look.

I almost pitied him, he acted crude so that way no one could see how he truly cared. It was juvenile, but that was his mask, his defense when he was playing on ice.

Nora explained. "Casey's working on her community service project. She said she'd eat once she lost her creativity."

After dinner I wanted to apologize to Casey.

She opened her door. Her room was unnaturally messy with glitter, markers, colored paper, and other such things scattered on the floor. She had glitter on her arms as if to emphasize how she was a star to me. A beautiful, bright star I would wish on in vain. I would never get my wish.

"I just wanted you to know Im sorry." I said sincerely.

""Edwin, let's forget about it okay...I was thinking, you know and youre not exactly like Derek, but you definately related to him. You two have distinct similarities." Casey observed thoughtfully.

Hopefully I wasn't sweating. I was nervous. To overcompensate I spoke confidently, "Haven't noticed. This isn't cuz I made you cry is it? Because I didn't mean to."

"No, no. I know. That's what I like about you Edwin. You wouldn't want to hurt anyone especially those you care about. But you're still like your brother. Its like you've taken his traits and have put them to better use. You think highly of yourself but not in a pompous way." she pointed out.

She was not only comparing me to the guy she had a thing for, but favoring me. I knew it didn't mean anything, but I was desperate to take what little I was given.

I laughed. "Yeah Derek can be a bit cocky, but you know you find it sexy."

Casey cleared her throat clearly embarrassed.

"What do you think?" she asked showing me the poster board. I looked at it and was in complete awe of her. She was unbelievable. This is what she did when she wanted to repress her thoughts she would focus on a task she could have control of and succeed. She waved off hurt by being productive, striving for excellence. I loved her.

"Its great," was all I could really say.

I hadn't meant to play matchmaker. In fact it was the last thing I would have done. But I wanted her to be happy. And it seemed that her being with Derek would accomplish that. And afterall he did truly love her. No doubt I would suffer, but I would bear it knowing that she got what she wanted. I would make the sacrifice because I loved her too.

"But Casey you love Derek. What if I told you I don't think there's another girl he could love more than you? What would stop you from being with him?"

She moved some things and sat down hurting terribly. "If only it were that simple, but its not. Yes I love him-- sometimes I fear I may lose my self control longing for him the way I do..."

"We were together after a few months of living here. We would argue a lot and not just about the things youve seen. I seemed to cry more than laugh when we dated so after a year I broke it off. I miss him terribly, but its better this way."

" How can I love some one so deeply that causes so much pain? Love isn't a chain restraining you. Our relationship wasn't give and take. I felt like I was giving myself away. That's not healthy. I don't want that. I want what--well I want a guy who feels the way you do about that secret girl. I can tell how much you care about her. You'd make her so happy Edwin."

"Your right you guys weren't good for each other, if that's how your relationship was." I responded. I should have been relieved now that there was no chance for Casey and Derek, but I wasn't.

Maybe because everyone felt lousy. Casey was still helplessly attracted to the guy. My brother had settled because he couldn't have what he wanted. I would never be able to tell Casey how I felt. I had no idea how she would regard my feelings considering I was her fourteen year old stepbrother and she had already been with my brother. My point: I had a little trouble discerning my emotions right now.

"I like that girl a lot, but I don't know, like I said she's older than me. I dont think I want her too much that I would ruin things between us." I explained.

"It would help if I knew who she was. Then I could tell you what her reaction might be...And if you don't get to be with her. You'll make another girl who is your age a happy girl." she said taking my hand and smiling sweetly at me.

And I realized I couldn't be discouraged. I wouldn't easily let her go, not when she meant so much. Maybe if I had dwelled on it a bit more, I would have behaved more sensibly.

In your life you reach a crossroads, a chance to take a risk and make a move to attain what you want or you can play it safe, stay where you are, remain the same. Sure playing it safe you can't get hurt, you can't lose, but you can't win either. A Venturi thing maybe, but I liked the idea of winning rather than the idea of staying safe.

Not taking chances leaves you with those nasty "what ifs". I didn't want to feel like I had let her slip through my fingers. I wanted to feel like I had done all I could.

She was everything. She would be worth the risk of losing it all.


	6. Chapter 6

**The last and final chapter. Are you ready? Well I am so here you go. **

**Oh by the way I am pimping a Casey/Edwin vid by greenfiend03. It was brilliantly done. My mouth dropped in awe. A flawless vid! It made me proud to have made this fic. You can find it at youtube .com/watch?vlrRbimpo7Rs**

**Ch.6: He tastes like you but sweeter**

I spoke recklessly, "Casey, I got to tell you, that girl Im in love with she--she's you."

In anticipation I waited for her response. Her mouth parted in surprise. Her eyes stared in confusion at me. She didn't know how to react to that. She stood and I jumped to my feet with her. I realized we may never happen.

"Edwin, you--" she crossed her arms, not looking directly at me. I could tell her mind was flooding with so many thoughts.

She laughed to keep from crying.it seemed as her voice broke. "Are you crazy?"

"I know. I have often wondered, believe me. Im sorry. Lets just forget it." I said quickly, wishing I could have taken it back, get my dignity back.

She spoke delicately, "No, Im sorry. I just--. Ive been thinking some strange thoughts lately. I never thought you would ever feel this way about me, but you do."

She seemed deep in contemplation. I wanted to say something, but I didn't want to interrupt whatever was going on in her head.

Tactfully she said, "I meant it you know. You'd make a girl so happy. You have so much to offer, so much potential to make any girl you wanted head over heels for you."

Gravely I said looking like the epitome of dejection, "Just not you."

She bit her lip. "Id be lieing if I told you I didn't like the idea of you in love with me. But this is so weird. I, for reasons beyond me, cant seem to let go of my feelings about your brother of all people."

I was afraid to ask. "Do you feel anything for me?"

Casey looked at me unsure and apprehensive. "I don't know. I cant possibly, can I? On paper we seem wrong. I mean your fourteen. Youre my stepbrother. God, what is wrong with me?"

"Ive been asking myself the same thing, but you didn't answer the question." I noted no longer feeling burdened.

She was in disarray. "I do love what you could mean to me, what you could be for me. But not when Im thinking of someone else. I don't want to hurt you Edwin."

" Im serious about you, what I feel for you, okay? Give us a shot." I reached my hand to her face, but she walked around me. She stood facing away from me.

"Its best if we didn't. Im sorry," she stated meaningfully.

I knew she wanted me to leave. I felt like I had hit a deadend. I didn't know what else I could do. There was no where else to go. I took steps and opened the door. She remained still not facing me. I looked out the hall to watch Derek leave his room. Seeing me standing in Casey's doorway, he approached me.

"What are you doing?" he asked me suspiciously though he really had no clue.

Casey's arms crossed. Her face still facing the wall opposite our direction. "He's doing what you are: leaving." she snapped.

"Come on," I directed.

Derek scoffed. He walked out and down the stairs. I was suppose to follow him out, but I just shut the door. We weren't finished.

If she didn't want to give us a chance, I wanted her to know that I didn't want things to change between us. Hopefully they wouldn't because I liked what we had together, even if it was nothing romantic.

She placed her palms over her face. "Give me a break, Derek." she pleaded, not wanting to deal with his nonsense after what went on with her and me.

It made sense that she thought the guy standing close behind her now was Derek. Edwin would have done what he was told and left. Not Derek who always seemed to add to her problems.

Her hands dropped as she took a deep breath. I don't what came over me as I placed my right hand on her oh-so-touchable upper arm. My left hand did the same with her other arm. Her breath hitched, believing it was Derek she felt.

It felt all new to me. I had only made out with three girls. But as my hands carrassed her skin, knowing her heart was beating rapidly at _my_ touch, I felt confident like I had done this so many times. Delusional, I know. I couldn't afford to be so deluded.

One hand grasped her hip, as the other pushed the side of her hair back so I could have access to her neck. My lips lightly touched her neck.

"Please stop," she pleaded, but didn't move. She wanted me and was helpless to my advances. It was an all powerful feeling, having control over another. I smiled in satisfaction as I trailed experienced kisses up to her ear.

This is what it felt like to be Derek. I liked the feeling. I nibbled lightly at her ear as she turned to face me. The lust in her eyes changed to shock realizing I wasn't who she thought I was.

I hoped she wouldn't stop and think about this, but that would be highly unlikely. This is Casey. Not only would she analyze, she'd overanalyze. But to my surprise her eyes relaxed. She didn't stop and think. She was already in too deep in the waters willing to go under with me.

She pressed her lips on mine and kissed me gently. To which I responded with a little more passion. The taste of the inside of her mouth was warm, and though not really sweet, I found it delicious. Our lips finally unlocked as Casey became breathless. Looking at her beautiful face filled with hunger, I couldn't help but smirk.

As our mouths met once more, the wheels in my brain began turning. Why had I, Edwin, smiled boastfully? Derek does that, not me. My mind recollected:

_"Derek, you--" Casey spoke strictly. She stopped realizing I wasn't who she thought I was._

_"Oh Im sorry Edwin. I was afraid Derek was in_ _here. My pile is there and I thought he might mess with it. He knows I don't like other people washing my clothes."_

_- - - - - -_

_"Im not that heavy of a sleeper." I replied finding her claim hard to believe._

_"Well you were this morning. About as bad as Derek." Lizzie responded._

_- - - - - -_

_Derek had always been able to see through my deceit, but now he sat there oblivious. A rush of adreniline filter through my veins. I found it thrilling._

_"You keep this up, and you could pass off as me." he said buoyantly._

I had been mistaken as him. He had been my role model all my life. And here with Casey in my arms, I had become my brother Derek.

There wasn't much one could do to save us now. Her kisses became desperate hoping to find what she had been looking for in me. She hoped I could end her quench for Derek, her toxic drink. She hoped I could be that and all that she wanted in a lover. But what she hoped for more than that was that I could be all that and Derek. She wanted what she thought Derek could have been for her.

That's what I was, the traits of Derek that impressed her, made her love him. Derek without the pain.

Her desperate search was no different from the way I clung onto her like a leech needing her, needing this moment that I only thought was possible in illusions. I wanted to heal her, end her burning desires for what caused her pain.

I wanted everything maybe too much. I didn't care though. Whatever it took for her to be with me. Id rather be what she wanted me to be and stay with her than be myself without her.

She burned but not as a star like I had once thought. I saw now that she was a match burning herself and others.

What's the worst I could have done? I could have stopped. I should have torn away from her lips, fingers, and moans, but instead I said goodbye to the life I had known before and welcomed a new beginning. Things were better off this way.

I let her turn me inside out. I wanted to be everything she wanted. I was willing to give myself away for her. I had nothing to lose, it was all lost when I fell for her.

We both closed our eyes to what was and opened up our minds, me to being very much like Derek and she to the possibility that I could be Derek for her. Doing that we both got it all. Needs and aches disappeared as we found the cure in each other. My only fear was that if Casey thought her and Derek were unhealthy, we didn't stand much of a chance either. This could end, I thought sadly.

I made great efforts to keep her happy. Whenever we were secretly together I changed a bit. I became more eager to call her out on her "faults". I found ways to get under her skin. But it wasn't difficult. Infact it was liberating. Like I was free, not necessarily free to be me, but free. It all felt natural.

On top of that Casey saw my adoration for her. I was never too insensitive so Casey was happy. I was everything she could have hoped for. I only had to forget a part of myself to accomplish it, but I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. Together we were what we had been longing for.

**Most of you probably wont be too happy with the ending. Its rather bittersweet, but that's life. Nothing is ever "and they lived happily ever after". I think its fascinating how people so desperate to believe something can make it real, if only in their heads. Hopefully I explored that subject well while writing this.**

**I also wrote it like this so that maybe other writers will attempt a Edwin/Casey fic. Wanting more fluff or whatever because they weren't satisfied with this.**

**So tell me what you think? If you were disappointed or happy doesn't matter just REVIEW.**

**Thanks to all of you who have helped push me to finish. You guys were my inspiration.**


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